A few weeks ago, as I was walking to work, I was robbed at gunpoint by a young man. He aggressively asked to give him all I had, I gave him all of the money and possessions I had on my person at the time. Despite my initial thoughts of seeing those whom I love again and relief that the situation had not taken a turn for the extreme worse, my first feelings when this happened were not ones of fear or regret. They were of anger and hurt. Why would this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Didn’t this person know that if he would have just asked me for what he needed, he could’ve gotten far more than what he took from me? It seemed to make no sense at all and hurt deeply to think that my fellow man could take from me so needlessly and unnecessarily.
I think about how many of us, as individuals and as a people, have struggled with these same feelings stemming from moments of disappointment and hurt. Situations where those whom we have invested a measure of trust in have repaid our reliance with recklessness and left many of us to deal with those same feelings of confusion, hurt and anger. Left untended, these feelings often affect the way in which we interact, cooperate, function, and even the way that we love. In the face of the internal pressure we place on ourselves to hold on to resentment as a means of protecting ourselves from future hurt, before truly moving on and moving forward, we must first choose to forgive; to forgive those who have wronged us so devastatingly.
Contrary to popular belief, choosing forgiveness is not excusing what someone may have done against you. Nor is forgiveness based on one’s merit. It’s hard to repay evil with good and if forgiveness were given based on whether or not someone deserved it, none of us would consistently qualify. Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting what may have transpired and everything to do with focusing on life ahead of us. Forgiving someone does not mean that they get a pass for what they may have done, but rather that you are willing to look and move past what they may have done. In spite of our own faults, we live under the favor of a God who is faithful to forgive us of our mistakes and missteps. The Bible tells us in Mark 11:25 that “if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” In our attempt to live a life pleasing to Him, we must be willing to forgive those who have transgressed against us, just as God loves us enough to forgive us.
Meeting the faults of the world with forgiveness enables us to move forward freely and peacefully in the direction that God would have us to. Choosing to forgive someone does not replace hurt. Instead, it releases us from the hold that hurt may have on us and opens the door for reconciliation, renewal, and restoration. Much of the bitterness, anger, stagnancy, and unfulfillment that we see in our communities, our relationships, and in our people stem from a central lack of forgiveness. Despite the difficulty that may come with it, we must be willing to forgive first. Forgiving first helps us to then forgive going forward.
As I sat alone later that evening replaying the event in my mind, I thought about what I had lost and how I needed to replace it all. I told myself that once I did that, I would feel better about what had happened and would be able to move forward. The truth is that if I didn’t purpose to first forgive the man who robbed me at gunpoint and threatened to take my life, all of those possessions that I once enjoyed would have served as bitter reminders of this dark moment in my life; reasons for repeated resentment. I had to forgive my brother. I got on my knees, asked God to help me through my hurt and anger, and then asked God to help me to forgive this person. My things have been replaced, but even more significant, my belief in humanity is renewed. What God may have for us as a people, will not be given to hands filled with hatred. Whether it is deserved, regarded, or appreciated, as children of God, we must look to our Heavenly Father for the strength to forgive; the resolve to forgive as we have been forgiven. Before anything, we must forgive first and begin the practice of forgiveness going forward.